The Secret Life of Boys

When I first had N, I was amazed at this amazing connection to another human being. At first it is such a strong physical connection - you watch this child emerge from your body. Then this person is attached to part of you for however long the nursing lasts. It was hard for me not to think of him as a part of me. And that strong physical connection is intertwined and gradually replaced by an emotional connection.

As he has grown older, I see him more as his own person. Each day, needing me, being part of me, just a little less. When he first started school, it was an adjustment for me because he'd spent ALL of his time with me and here he was going off to spend time with other people! What would he be like around people without me?! I felt like he had this secret part of his life.

This year, he has started to feel the secrecy of this part of his life too. When I pick him up after school, we have the usual greetings and talk about our respective days. When I ask him what he did at school or had for snack or who he saw, he usually answers "it's a secret." You can see the quiet understanding (and joy) of having this thing all to himself.

And just last Friday, it became apparent that he had a "secret" at home too. We had some friends over for dinner and N was gleefully playing with visiting friend. It was the first time this friend had come to visit and play. Everything was going so well until visiting friend uncovered a special thing of N's. And put it in his mouth. Where he discovered that he very much liked chewing on it. Through the hysterical tears of my youngster I could barely discern the words "special" and "wax." Huh? When the item was finally removed from the joyfully chomping jaws of the friend, there was a lumpy ball of red wax. More Huh?

Much later after the tears were dried and the friend had gone home we learned of the specially shaped chrysalis that had been molded out of some babybel cheese wax. And for the life of me, I can't remember how long it's been since we've had babybel cheese.

Singin' In The Rain

I have Sinda & Lisa to thank for dragging my behind out to finally go and see/hear Ani DiFranco in concert last week. She is a lovely singer and her body of work tremendous (and somewhat intimidating. where does one start?) Buddy Wakefield opened for her and he was a blast. He's a spoken word artist and if you have a minute to listen, you'll enjoy it! ("guitar repair woman" & "convenience stores" are my favorites.)

Lisa covered the experience of the night beautifully here. Ditto babe. Except the part where I had to pee - because I could manage to wait until I could unpeel my jeans in the privacy of my own home. I ran into someone who RODE HER BIKE HOME after the show though. SHE was cold.

This past weekend I had another utterly delightful treat - a day at the spa. My mom and her dear friend schlepped up from Houston just to make me feel special. We had a wonderful time. Even if no one laid a finger on me all day, I was happy. It was a beautiful spa on the lake, a perfectly clear, cool day and the company was fab (and the children were elsewhere for several consecutive hours.) But people did lay fingers on me and they rubbed my aching back, hands, toes and face until I melted. I chose a "coffee scrub/massage." It took me almost two hours to decide on a massage and somehow I narrowed it down to this one. I like the smell of coffee; this massage would lift my spirits? But part of me also started looking twice at the coffee grounds as they went out my back door to the compost. Surely the fine coffee being rubbed on my body will look a little better than this...

I should say that it was more than a day at the spa that made the weekend so awesome. Saturday we went to my favorite nursery. That evening the wonderful and inspiring sitter, Miss Aimee! arrived to relieve us and we wiled away the eve at a lovely restaurant. Smith ordered something called a pisco sour to drink. It looked like a hairy eyeball. We ate and laughed and drank until we could do no more.


Now it is late Wednesday eve and I can feel the last ebbs of relaxation drift away as my email software goes wonky, my body is unshowered and the dishes sit in the sink from dinner next to the coffee grounds left from breakfast... But it is raining, it is green, it is fall and the highlight of my day was seeing the large spider on my front porch drain the life out of a moth until it was nothing but a withered husk.

Intuition Vindication

Ever have one of those passing feelings that something you are seeing isn't quite right? Your gut is flashing warning signals, but your head finds lots of little bites of logic to squelch it?

I had one of those moments today at the playground. As I am unloading in the parking lot, I notice a guy working on his green car. Hmm... not unusual, but at a park? He's parked like he's planned on working on it here, not like he's broken down. Okay. Whatever.
As we are walking up to the playground, this older guy in a white car is driving around, rather slowly, looking straight ahead. Does he look like he's seeking out a parking space (of which there are plenty)? He's probably on the phone. I'm up to the park and look back again - he's making another slow loop. Is he scoping out the kids? He's a bit far away for that... is he waiting for someone? Hmmm... A bit later we hear a small crash and some loud yelling/wailing. More wailing. More yelling. The slow-looping white car has hit the green car. Mr. Green Car has called the cops. 4 cop cars later, the guy is finally removed from his vehicle and he's LOADED. Like falling over LOADED.

Overall, it wasn't a big deal, but I was glad that my little doubts were right.

Picture Post

I have finally uploaded some pictures. yeah!

Things that are going on:
- I'm knitting again. Almost done with another raspberry colored scarf (which I totally don't need.) I am also knitting a scarf for N's baby doll.
- It's Fall! The weather is actually cool and pleasant and it is a JOY to go to the park.
- There is an owl (actually 2, a male and a female) in our neighborhood, just across the street. There is some debate regarding the variety - Screech vs. Great Horned. N found a feather today. Very fluffy.







The other fun part of this scene is the sound effects. J delights in making a long, droning, whirring noise when "operating" his appliances. He has the lungs of a trombone player.




Guys & Dolls

Ah.

It is amazing what one beer and good takeout Indian food can do for one's state of mind!


It has been an unexpectedly hard week. It started off well - with a holiday from school spent in splendor at the playground; the weather being fabulous. Followed by one of my all time favorite lunches (Texas French Bread) and then an afternoon of knitting on a sofa while the kids amused themselves. (and Sinda made me dinner!)

After that, the days of the week blurred together. Smith has been working on a new project (here in town thankfully she says at first) and his hours have been long: dark to dark. There was one morning when I woke up, belatedly and bleary-eyed, with kids running amok in the kitchen. How did it get to be so late? Where was dad? How long has he been gone? Did he come home even? I vaguely remembered his form on the bed during one of the late-night visits to J. (yes. I know I gotta night wean, but man, I'm just too tired.)

And while Smith is working in town and that means that he's home to sleep and to kiss me goodbye in the morning, I'd almost (ALMOST) prefer he was out of town. Then I would KNOW that he wasn't coming home. I could count on that. I could shift into that "it's all me" mode instead of thinking: maybe he'll be home just late for dinner? maybe he'll be home to help with the bath? maybe he'll be home for stories? So by the end of each day, I was just feeling extra worn out.

By Friday, I was snapping at the kids for using their markers "wrong." So when Smith called and asked what he could stop and get anything on the way home, I opted for a beloved yet infrequently visited Indian restaurant. The kids got whatever I could unearth in the fridge. It was delicious. A delight to my senses. (and that beer helped too.)